The Weight

Sometimes it seems like it will never leave.
The weight.

When the pain seems more present than Jesus,
When it feels as if you have been running miles with no rest,
When things appear to have no light at the end of the tunnel,
When you are so close to giving up that you don't even know if you have a choice anymore,
When the weight of everything is on you and you know you're not strong enough,

This is for you.

Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled. And He said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to Him, "Lord, come and see." Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, "See how He loved him!" John 11:33-35 nkjv

What you are going through, Jesus feels it with you. He has not forgotten you. He hears you, and He knows you. Do not for one second believe that He has abandoned you. The devil tries to whisper lies about how He loves us and tells us that He doesn't care like He says He does. Put those thoughts away in the name of JESUS. You are going to experience LIGHT, and I want you to believe that with me right now.

Take time right now to see your situation. See it for what it's worth.

Now I want you to see it differently.

See the situation with a light shining down on it. FEEL the feeling you will feel when everything is better. Know that feeling. Keep feeling it. See the situation with a beautiful resolution. Feel the joyous feeling of the resolution. Say Thank You Jesus.
This is faith. This is belief. This is knowing.

And He said to her, "Daughter, be of good cheer; your faith has made you well. Go in peace." 
Luke 8:48

Go in peace. Your faith has made you well.

Your situation, your family, your health, your mind, your life, your world, is well.

It is well.

Now that you know this, there is one thing left for you to do.

Let go. Matthew 11:28

Be well. Ephesians 4:23, Romans 12:1-2

It's all going to be okay. Romans 8:28

Just breathe. Psalm 46:10

Peace is yours in Jesus name. John 14:27

Nothing is impossible with God. Mark 10:27

Nothing is impossible for those who believe. Hebrews 11:6

And we know that belief is feeling and knowing even when the physical world doesn't show the resolution yet. 

Let go of the weight. It's on Jesus now, and He will carry it and make things well again. Don't stop believing.

Now faith is the SUBSTANCE of things HOPED for, the EVIDENCE of things not seen.
Hebrews 11:1 nkjv

Things will be well again. In Jesus name, Amen.

Special Thanks To The Ones I Love

There is nothing I want more than to love and be loved by the most important people in my life. The ones who have stayed with me through thick in thin. My "homies." My "mains." I truly have some of the most incredible people surrounding me and pushing me forward... there is no way I would be where I am today without them.
Special thanks to my parents, grandparents, sisters, Kirsten, Karissa, and Eric, the love of my life.
I don't deserve you. I have had my share of times where you deserved better, but thank you. Thank you for never leaving me, because the woman you see above wouldn't be half of what she is without you.
You have kept me going. You have cheered me on.
I owe you my life.

To Eric for accepting me in full more than anyone I have ever known. You are the one I have found that my heart loves.

There are so many more amazing people who have come into my life that are also worth mentioning. Jaedyn, Courtney, Luisa, Skye, Nikki. I have either never seen you in person, or I have only seen you a number of times. Nevertheless, the internet and modern technology have provided us a way to know each other and for that I am truly grateful. I call you all my best friends.

These people may never read this but I just wanted to say thank you for everything. I would not be Kristin without you.

And thanks to Jesus. Literally without Him I would be nothing.

2 0 1 7 - Prosperity

As days, weeks, months have gone by I have found myself in a place of gratitude and overwhelming ambition to take on the coming times as if they were handed to me in person by the Creator of the universe Himself. It's while writing these words that I see that He, in fact, actually has. He has handed me each day wrapped in love and filled with the wind of His breath, spoken into existence. On purpose. For a reason.
No matter how many days go by that I wonder the purpose of the "pointless" minutes spent doing absolutely nothing, I know there is a reason and no space is wasted.
The universe is still moving forward. I must not try to linger in fear because of the unknown. Everything is awakening as time goes on. I mustn't wait.

What I am trying to say is that I have so much passion stored up inside of me with flames, yet I have hardly done anything with it. This year, I vow to propel my visions and passions forward with as much willpower as I can possibly muster up. Saying this, fear tempts me because of what could happen when I start to put my whole soul into things. The projects that I put forth will have much effect on me and those around me and I must say... I tend to be afraid. But I shall have boldness; the boldness of many lions. I will not fear of what is to come.

The wicked flee though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion. Proverbs 28:1

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. Proverbs 31:25

Unstuck

Recently, like the past few months, I have been kinda down about my life. WHY? Hahahah I don't know because honestly, I have a VERY fortunate life.
But we all get down sometimes, right? I mean, obviously. We are humans. Things don't always go our way.

At this point in my life, I am almost 20 and feeling kinda stuck. The type of stuck where you feel you should be doing so much more than you really are but you have absolutely no idea how to do that so you just stay still. It's not that you're lazy, you just feel kinda overwhelmed.

I know that this is just a certain time in my life, and honestly, I apologize for the lack of writings on here.
Things are going much better for me and my thoughts and I thought I would share with you how I am achieving that.

In all honesty, you have to push yourself.
You cannot expect the good thoughts to just come to you, ESPECIALLY if you are prone to thinking bad ones. You have to PURPOSEFULLY CHOOSE to think about good things.

If there is one thing we have complete control over, that no one else does, it's our thoughts. I used to not know that, when it should have been obvious.

Wake up each morning and think about things you are GRATEFUL for. Even if there appears to be nothing, and all you can see are the problems, LOOK CLOSER. There is ALWAYS something beautiful to be seen. This is exercising your brain and helping it become the happy self you always want to be.

Don't allow yourself to become addicted to self loathing, or negative thinking.
That might sound crazy to you, but honestly it can become an addiction, just like anything else.

When I was at Youth America College, I found myself in such a dark place because of the thoughts I was thinking. I literally repeated how I hated myself and how I should just die over and over and didn't think it would harm me. Well... it did. I was so drained because I allowed my brain to feed itself poison. Never again. I pray I check myself on this for my entire life.

These things can SEEM to be true. The can seem like the ultimate truth, but it never is.
Create your new reality.

The more good things you think about, the more good things are drawn to you.
The more bad things you think about, the more bad things are drawn to you.

This is a proven fact, it is the way Jesus created this universe, and glory to Him for that. We can create a wonderful world around us simply through thought. The rest will follow.

"And to the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Those things, which you have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you." Philippians 4:7-9

Burn it all

When I was seven years old, I was fighting sleep when I noticed crackling noises and a yellow light outside my bedroom window.
I peaked through the blinds and saw that the abandoned house next door had caught fire and was completely immersed in flames. Fear struck through my entire body and I ran into the kitchen to tell my parents what I had just saw. They didn't believe me at first. I can imagine it was a shock to them, too.
After we called 911, we all stood outside watching the energy of the flames consume the old house. I remember wondering why no one lived in it to begin with, that maybe the last person who lived there wanted to leave behind the things that happened within those walls.
I could feel the heat so hot on my face even being a thousand feet away.

This memory reminds me of something that we should all know: the past is gone, but there are things that still consume us to this day. They wrap themselves around our minds and our bodies reminding us of our darkness, and the things that haunted us. How can we move on when the past feels more alive than our present? Is there a future for us? How can we move forward when these black vines have their grip on our ankles dragging us back?

I'm about to tell you something that will change you, if you believe.

Jesus is a fire.

He isn't a man that sways when He walks and speaks softer than your great grandmother. He is God and He is powerful, able to consume even the darkest parts of your past and present. There are things you have been saved from that you aren't even aware of. You're here, alive for a very specific reason. So don't let what happened THEN affect your NOW.

“Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. For our God is a consuming fire.”
Hebrews 12:28-29 NKJV

I suppose humanity will always try to have a grip on us, but it will not win.

No matter the sin that entangles us, we have VICTORY in our God, JESUS CHRIST.

You are not disgusting.

You are clean.

The old is gone.

Our God consumed the darkness with His Love.

Forgive yourself and let Him burn it all.

Do not hate yourself for the things you have done. Do not try to outdo yourself to please God. He is already so proud of you. Just let Him in, let Him love you, and remember that you are worthy through Him alone. Let His forgiveness remind you that you cannot do this on your own. He loves you more than anything.


Jesus, thank you for not hiding yourself from us. Thank you for not casting a shadow on us to make us feel small, but to remind us that we are safe, that you do not judge us the way man does. You do not see us as less. You see us as more. Heal our broken hearts and clean our battle wounds. Take away our tattered pasts and burn it all. The good remains. In Jesus name, amen.

Your Emotions, Your Choice.

If you've been following this blog for awhile, you have seen some of the emotions and deep thoughts I have had throughout the past 7ish months. Sometimes, not always very positive... but still reaching for hope in times that I felt so desperately lost. Not lost as in I don't know who I am or what the meaning of life is, but lost as in I let my emotions blind me and lead me into the dark.
That is possible, you know.. to actually allow yourself to become spiritually and emotionally blind. Let's keep that from happening, okay?

We all have our thing. That thing that keeps us from moving forward at times. For me, it's totally taking a much-too-long look at the past, or even the future. It's so bad. I have actually spent most of my life either worrying over things that happened in the past, or fretting over things that are to come. If you have always understood the importance of the present moment and never really had a problem living in it, you are probably so much farther a long in that knowledge than I am. But to be honest, it's one of the biggest lessons of my life that I am continually learning. It's okay.. it is.. to be afraid sometimes. It happens. It's part of life. But there is no need to let it control you. You have control.

I feel like I'm always saying something about Oklahoma City and the time I spent there, but it truly was one of the biggest times of my life so far. All of the things I gained while living hours away from my family and learning more about myself, Jesus, and what it is that I am called to do... it overwhelms me in a good way when I think about it. There is absolutely no way that I would ever take any of it back. If I'm honest, though, literally none of it was easy. The best part about it was being able to see Eric everyday. The worst was the fact that over time I let my emotions control me. I didn't even realize this until Eric literally just said it, "Kristin, you have got to stop this. You let your emotions control you way too much." "No I don't!" Haha. I'm funny. I knew he was right, and since then, I have made steps to fix that.

It's not easy. 

It's not. It is so much easier to just let your thoughts go... but is it? NOPE. Because when you let your wild mustang of a mind go, it has a tendancy to wreck things up. (That being your mind, then your body, then your life and the people around you)

It's all in your head. You've just got to pick yourself up and keep going.

There is hope.

It doesn't matter how many doctors have diagnosed you, how many people have said it, or even how long you have been telling yourself the same story that you will never be good enough. You can change your mind. Remember. These are YOUR EMOTIONS. This means that it is YOUR CHOICE on how you feel. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS CONTROL OF YOUR THOUGHTS. I REPEAT. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS CONTROL OF YOUR THOUGHTS. So why not think about things that bring life? This doesn't mean ignoring bad situations. It means being real with yourself and everyone else but thinking in a postive, healthy way.

You have control. Life is not hopeless. You are not hopeless. There is more to life that waking up and going to sleep. You have an impact that this world needs to feel. You have meaning. Now, rise up.You can master the art of your thoughts. Be the master of your own mind.

Here is a video that I made talking more about this.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I pray that you are blessed in Jesus name and experience more wonderful things than you ever thought you could.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 

What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me---practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 3:19

We Get Stronger

My brothers,

count it all joy when you fall into divers temptations and hard times;

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith works your patience.

But let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and entire,

lacking nothing.

James 1:2-4

This verse has been repeating itself in my head for years now. 

I didn't get why at first. But over and over and over it shows up in my life.

"Yes, I know, Jesus. I know that hard times make me patient. I think I know that by now."

I literally said that, and as soon as I did, I realized that it's not that He thinks I haven't learned my lesson on patience. It's just that.. this life isn't going to be easy. I'm not sure why I thought that someday it would. 

It doesn't get easier.

No, it doesn't get easier. It doesn't. I used to tell people that it did. I truly thought it would. I have waited for it and no.. it's not going to happen. Things are hard. Life is hard.

But you know what? We get stronger.

We get stronger than we ever thought we could.

We are never going to have it all together. We are never going to know what to do next 100% of the time. 

Patience is knowing this. Patience is not letting situations or emotions control you, but remaining faithful to the hope you have that good is to come.

There's a light up ahead.

Even though things don't get easier, we have a source of strength that will never fail. The source that never runs out of power. Stay plugged in. Make sure your outlet isn't something that runs out of power. 

Jesus is the only One who can give it all and not run out.

Be careful what you wish for.

Stay grateful.

This life is a gift and there is so much beauty to be found in it.

Don't stay so focused on your shadow that you forget about the light around you.

You are more than enough for this life.

You are worth the fight.

Keep going.

It will be okay in the end.