The Weight

Sometimes it seems like it will never leave.
The weight.

When the pain seems more present than Jesus,
When it feels as if you have been running miles with no rest,
When things appear to have no light at the end of the tunnel,
When you are so close to giving up that you don't even know if you have a choice anymore,
When the weight of everything is on you and you know you're not strong enough,

This is for you.

Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled. And He said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to Him, "Lord, come and see." Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, "See how He loved him!" John 11:33-35 nkjv

What you are going through, Jesus feels it with you. He has not forgotten you. He hears you, and He knows you. Do not for one second believe that He has abandoned you. The devil tries to whisper lies about how He loves us and tells us that He doesn't care like He says He does. Put those thoughts away in the name of JESUS. You are going to experience LIGHT, and I want you to believe that with me right now.

Take time right now to see your situation. See it for what it's worth.

Now I want you to see it differently.

See the situation with a light shining down on it. FEEL the feeling you will feel when everything is better. Know that feeling. Keep feeling it. See the situation with a beautiful resolution. Feel the joyous feeling of the resolution. Say Thank You Jesus.
This is faith. This is belief. This is knowing.

And He said to her, "Daughter, be of good cheer; your faith has made you well. Go in peace." 
Luke 8:48

Go in peace. Your faith has made you well.

Your situation, your family, your health, your mind, your life, your world, is well.

It is well.

Now that you know this, there is one thing left for you to do.

Let go. Matthew 11:28

Be well. Ephesians 4:23, Romans 12:1-2

It's all going to be okay. Romans 8:28

Just breathe. Psalm 46:10

Peace is yours in Jesus name. John 14:27

Nothing is impossible with God. Mark 10:27

Nothing is impossible for those who believe. Hebrews 11:6

And we know that belief is feeling and knowing even when the physical world doesn't show the resolution yet. 

Let go of the weight. It's on Jesus now, and He will carry it and make things well again. Don't stop believing.

Now faith is the SUBSTANCE of things HOPED for, the EVIDENCE of things not seen.
Hebrews 11:1 nkjv

Things will be well again. In Jesus name, Amen.

Unstuck

Recently, like the past few months, I have been kinda down about my life. WHY? Hahahah I don't know because honestly, I have a VERY fortunate life.
But we all get down sometimes, right? I mean, obviously. We are humans. Things don't always go our way.

At this point in my life, I am almost 20 and feeling kinda stuck. The type of stuck where you feel you should be doing so much more than you really are but you have absolutely no idea how to do that so you just stay still. It's not that you're lazy, you just feel kinda overwhelmed.

I know that this is just a certain time in my life, and honestly, I apologize for the lack of writings on here.
Things are going much better for me and my thoughts and I thought I would share with you how I am achieving that.

In all honesty, you have to push yourself.
You cannot expect the good thoughts to just come to you, ESPECIALLY if you are prone to thinking bad ones. You have to PURPOSEFULLY CHOOSE to think about good things.

If there is one thing we have complete control over, that no one else does, it's our thoughts. I used to not know that, when it should have been obvious.

Wake up each morning and think about things you are GRATEFUL for. Even if there appears to be nothing, and all you can see are the problems, LOOK CLOSER. There is ALWAYS something beautiful to be seen. This is exercising your brain and helping it become the happy self you always want to be.

Don't allow yourself to become addicted to self loathing, or negative thinking.
That might sound crazy to you, but honestly it can become an addiction, just like anything else.

When I was at Youth America College, I found myself in such a dark place because of the thoughts I was thinking. I literally repeated how I hated myself and how I should just die over and over and didn't think it would harm me. Well... it did. I was so drained because I allowed my brain to feed itself poison. Never again. I pray I check myself on this for my entire life.

These things can SEEM to be true. The can seem like the ultimate truth, but it never is.
Create your new reality.

The more good things you think about, the more good things are drawn to you.
The more bad things you think about, the more bad things are drawn to you.

This is a proven fact, it is the way Jesus created this universe, and glory to Him for that. We can create a wonderful world around us simply through thought. The rest will follow.

"And to the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Those things, which you have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you." Philippians 4:7-9

Your Emotions, Your Choice.

If you've been following this blog for awhile, you have seen some of the emotions and deep thoughts I have had throughout the past 7ish months. Sometimes, not always very positive... but still reaching for hope in times that I felt so desperately lost. Not lost as in I don't know who I am or what the meaning of life is, but lost as in I let my emotions blind me and lead me into the dark.
That is possible, you know.. to actually allow yourself to become spiritually and emotionally blind. Let's keep that from happening, okay?

We all have our thing. That thing that keeps us from moving forward at times. For me, it's totally taking a much-too-long look at the past, or even the future. It's so bad. I have actually spent most of my life either worrying over things that happened in the past, or fretting over things that are to come. If you have always understood the importance of the present moment and never really had a problem living in it, you are probably so much farther a long in that knowledge than I am. But to be honest, it's one of the biggest lessons of my life that I am continually learning. It's okay.. it is.. to be afraid sometimes. It happens. It's part of life. But there is no need to let it control you. You have control.

I feel like I'm always saying something about Oklahoma City and the time I spent there, but it truly was one of the biggest times of my life so far. All of the things I gained while living hours away from my family and learning more about myself, Jesus, and what it is that I am called to do... it overwhelms me in a good way when I think about it. There is absolutely no way that I would ever take any of it back. If I'm honest, though, literally none of it was easy. The best part about it was being able to see Eric everyday. The worst was the fact that over time I let my emotions control me. I didn't even realize this until Eric literally just said it, "Kristin, you have got to stop this. You let your emotions control you way too much." "No I don't!" Haha. I'm funny. I knew he was right, and since then, I have made steps to fix that.

It's not easy. 

It's not. It is so much easier to just let your thoughts go... but is it? NOPE. Because when you let your wild mustang of a mind go, it has a tendancy to wreck things up. (That being your mind, then your body, then your life and the people around you)

It's all in your head. You've just got to pick yourself up and keep going.

There is hope.

It doesn't matter how many doctors have diagnosed you, how many people have said it, or even how long you have been telling yourself the same story that you will never be good enough. You can change your mind. Remember. These are YOUR EMOTIONS. This means that it is YOUR CHOICE on how you feel. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS CONTROL OF YOUR THOUGHTS. I REPEAT. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS CONTROL OF YOUR THOUGHTS. So why not think about things that bring life? This doesn't mean ignoring bad situations. It means being real with yourself and everyone else but thinking in a postive, healthy way.

You have control. Life is not hopeless. You are not hopeless. There is more to life that waking up and going to sleep. You have an impact that this world needs to feel. You have meaning. Now, rise up.You can master the art of your thoughts. Be the master of your own mind.

Here is a video that I made talking more about this.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I pray that you are blessed in Jesus name and experience more wonderful things than you ever thought you could.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 

What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me---practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 3:19

Perception of Self

What if I told you that you can decide how you see yourself? What if I told you that you could finally see all that is wonderful and beautiful about you?

We all have something to bring to this world. We all have words that need heard and stories that need to be shared.
It can be hard to include ourselves in the word "we" at times considering the way we see ourselves, but let me assure you, you are included. YOU. Yes, you.

It all begins with your thoughts. Begin to think positive things about yourself, even if they seem like complete lies.

In school, there was someone in my life that constantly put me down and made me feel like a lesser person and not the most attractive human. This caused me to see myself as the ugliest person on this planet. When I looked in the mirror, I literally saw an "ugly monster." Quite negative, I know, but I'm just being honest. I had a very poor self image.

Now, I'm not saying that I have a perfect self image now... because I don't by any means! But, throughout the years, I have grown and I am finally starting to see the wonderful things about myself. Things that were once non-existent to me are now glowing before my eyes. It's funny, really, because people in my life are starting to acknowledge these traits about me as well.

It begins with a step.

Take a step and go face yourself in a mirror. Look directly in your eyes and tell yourself all the good things you don't believe about yourself yet. For me that's, "I am worth it. I'm confident. I'm wonderful. I am not average. I am beautiful. I have so much to bring to this world."
The first time I said "I am beautiful" looking in the mirror, I literally felt like I was going to get sick. It felt like the biggest lie I could have ever told, but something shifted in me after that, and since then I began to change.

You are more than what you think.

You are going to start believing this.

The Source of It All

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angel nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Why am I so depressed?

I can't figure out what's causing it. I have the hope of the world living inside me. I know who my freedom is, but why is my soul still trapped in a prison? I know the door is wide open, but I find myself cowered in the corner of a dark cell. "WHY AM I TRAPPED?" I scream to the wall. "WHY IS NO ONE HERE TO SEE THAT I CAN'T GO ON?" But the door is open and I am free, yet still cowered in the dark because it's what I was convinced to believe is my home.

This prison is not my home.

Not a physical place. The place inside me I have chosen to stay in for way too long. 

Church of the Harvest was having a Freedom Ministries meeting yesterday from 9:30am-12. It was free and right here in OKC so I decided to go. 

Freedom ministries is unique but the basics of it is receiving deliverance and freedom from strongholds in our life. We ask Jesus to reveal to us the lie that we have been believing, what caused us to believe that lie, and then to give us a truth to replace the lie. It's what they call an exchange. 

This particular day, they said to ask Jesus what we have been making our source. But before they even told us to do this, I heard Jesus say through visuals, words, and feelings that I have been making myself my own source. 

I was not expecting that, but it made so much sense. 

He said that I have myself as my source trying to fill everyones' cups. 

No wonder I constantly feel empty.

He told me I needed to stop this, because in this I've come to blame others for "not caring enough" to empty themselves for me. This is evil, I know it.

When I realized this, I began to ball. What in me has caused me to believe that I don't need anyone? Even after all this time? You'd think I would have learned by now that I am not strong enough. I know Jesus, so why do I continue to run from His help and healing? How is it that i desire His freedom more than anything, yet run from his hand when He reaches out to me? All I truly need is Him. He is the only reliable source there is. He is the true source of it all. 

I know now the lie I have been believing. "You are worthless, Kristin. You know nothing. All you are is just a step stool to lift others up." LIE.

The TRUTH says another thing, "What treasure you are. Yes, it's true, you cannot do this without me. I'm telling you, You're going to need me every step of the way... every breath you take will seem to be difficult... but I AM HERE. You are worth more than you know. I am still thinking thoughts toward you, more than every grain of sand on the sea shore. Your name means BELIEVER IN CHRIST, ANOINTED, VICTORY OF THE PEOPLE. Don't be mistaken, though. You are not their victory. You simply show them where the victory comes from through My anointing. Let me guide you. I won't misuse you. Let Me show you who I Am. I will carry you farther than you can walk, and I will give you more than you need. You are chosen by Me to do things that no one else can do. You're chosen. Show the sheep where the Shepard is, and they will know My voice. You are My Love."

If people don't hear me, I know that You do. I love You, Jesus.

Who Am I - Flyleaf