We Get Stronger

My brothers,

count it all joy when you fall into divers temptations and hard times;

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith works your patience.

But let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and entire,

lacking nothing.

James 1:2-4

This verse has been repeating itself in my head for years now. 

I didn't get why at first. But over and over and over it shows up in my life.

"Yes, I know, Jesus. I know that hard times make me patient. I think I know that by now."

I literally said that, and as soon as I did, I realized that it's not that He thinks I haven't learned my lesson on patience. It's just that.. this life isn't going to be easy. I'm not sure why I thought that someday it would. 

It doesn't get easier.

No, it doesn't get easier. It doesn't. I used to tell people that it did. I truly thought it would. I have waited for it and no.. it's not going to happen. Things are hard. Life is hard.

But you know what? We get stronger.

We get stronger than we ever thought we could.

We are never going to have it all together. We are never going to know what to do next 100% of the time. 

Patience is knowing this. Patience is not letting situations or emotions control you, but remaining faithful to the hope you have that good is to come.

There's a light up ahead.

Even though things don't get easier, we have a source of strength that will never fail. The source that never runs out of power. Stay plugged in. Make sure your outlet isn't something that runs out of power. 

Jesus is the only One who can give it all and not run out.

Be careful what you wish for.

Stay grateful.

This life is a gift and there is so much beauty to be found in it.

Don't stay so focused on your shadow that you forget about the light around you.

You are more than enough for this life.

You are worth the fight.

Keep going.

It will be okay in the end.

Dream Anything

Who said that we were ever suppose to stop dreaming? 

When I was in kindergarten, our elementary counselor came to our class and had us draw pictures of what we wanted to be when we grew up. She dumped crayons on our desks and gave us all a white sheet of paper. No one seemed to hesitate and began scribbling and coloring the stories of who they dreamed to be. I wanted to draw myself with a microphone in my hand, singing songs on a stage. Did I do that? Nope. I looked around and saw the other drawings that every other girl made. Princess. Doctor. Vet. Princess. Princess. Doctor. I wanted to be a singer. Instead, I drew a princess.

After we were finished with our drawings, the counselor gathered them all up in a pile. A week later, on our way to lunch, we all saw our pictures taped to the wall in the hallway. I loved seeing them, but was so sad that I didn't draw myself as the singer I hoped to be. 

This memory is seriously stuck in my memory. I have looked back on this memory a lot. Because of this simple experience as a little girl, I have promised myself to accomplish my dreams no matter what everyone else is doing. We aren't required to do any certain thing. 

It seems to me like the more I look around, the more I see people doing things with their lives because it's the most acceptable thing to do. Some of you are going to school for something that you have absolutely no desire to do (if you're being completely honest with yourself). You're not passionate about what you're doing and you feel completely unhappy. Or maybe you're happy, you just wish you would have done things differently. Well, good news. You're not done yet. Go do what you love. Go do it before it's too late, because NOTHING is impossible. People don't just accomplish their dreams from luck. They work hard and they have a vision. 

You have the ability to do anything you can dream of. 

Dream wisely. Dream anything.

Don't worry about how. Just do it. Take it one step at a time and do not give up.

I hope I have inspired someone out there. Do whatever it takes to accomplish your wildest dreams.

"Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keeps the law is happy." Proverbs 29:18

The Truth About the Truth

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has marveled at the fact that there are so many different denominations in Christianity. Like, for a people who preach that we should be unified... we seem pretty divided to me. This is an issue, honestly, but then again we can't expect everyone to agree with everything we believe.
One of the biggest things that has divided Christians to create their own denominations is the difference in belief about the deity of God and how to be saved. For some of you, this is news.. but take a closer look at what I'm saying when you read the essay I wrote while I was in ministry school.
All of the students were given a different topic to discuss in an essay. My topic was "Understanding Salvation - Through the Teachings of Jesus and Paul"
I gathered all of my information through personal revelation through Jesus Christ and His word.
All that I said is just so important to me that I couldn't help but share it with you.

Here it is.

Kristin West

Pastor Monica Pankratz

Life and Writings of Paul

13 April 2016

Understanding Salvation Through the Teachings of Jesus and Paul

Humanity forces us to realize something: we all need a savior. From the beginning, God laid out a plan to show humanity His name and His face. We were once a people who didn’t know their own God. But God, all powerful and seeking intimacy with His creation, proclaimed that He would come to us and write His law on our hearts. We would then be His people and He would be our God. (Jeremiah 31:33) When we realize that Jesus is the all-powerful God in the flesh, we must then see how He wants to know us deeper. Salvation according to the words of Jesus Himself is a lot different than what we expected: we cannot earn it. Apostle Paul is a direct example of the poured out love for a struggling people by a God who laid it all down to save us.

Through the teachings of Paul, we must look back to when he was first converted. Paul’s first name being Saul, made it his mission to kill those called Christians: ones who believed that Jesus of Nazareth was the Messiah. God had declared that He would bring Himself down to earth in the form of a servant, that being Jesus. Saul was on his way to kill more Christians when a bright light and a strong, gentle voice came out of nowhere. Saul realized, then, that Jesus truly is God. This began the mark of history. Paul became a pillar in the church showing others his revelation. (Acts 9)

The foundation of the truth of salvation according to Jesus and Paul is that Jesus is God. Colossians 2:9 says, “For in Him(Jesus) the whole fullness of deity dwells bodily.” Paul wrote this to the Colossians, sharing the revelation that Jesus is God. Many people understand that Jesus is God but still refer to God as three separate personalities or beings. Paul knew this false doctrine would happen and warned people several times. (1 Timothy 6:20-21, Ephesians 4:11-16, Romans 16:17-20, Acts 20:28-30) Paul also said that those that are deceived would also be deceived themselves. (2 Timothy 3:13) All this being said, the teachings of Paul show us that we must be careful not to believe just anyone, but we must first look to the Word of God and His Spirit for the truth. For Jesus said that He is the Only Way, and The Way, Truth, and Life. (John 14:6)

In Acts 19:1-8, Paul was journeying and bumped into some Christians. He was very excited to see people that understood that Jesus is God. The first thing Paul asked them was if they had received the Holy Spirit since they believed. They scratched their heads and said, “We didn’t even know there was a Holy Spirit.” Paul turned his head a bit and asked them, “Well, by what name were you baptized?” Then the believers told him that they were baptized in John’s baptism. We see then, that Paul knew they didn’t have the full truth. They had taken the first steps of salvation as believers. Then we see that Paul explained to them that John’s baptism was the baptism of repentance before Jesus came, and they needed to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins. They soaked up what Paul said and he baptized them in the name of Jesus and prayed for them with the laying on of hands. They were then filled with the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues and prophesying.

This shows that Paul was genuinely concerned that they didn’t know the truth and the importance of being filled with the water and the Spirit. He told them everything and acted upon it. If it wasn’t important to be baptized in the name of Jesus and be filled with His Spirit, Paul wouldn’t have made it of such importance. This shows that baptism of both water and Spirit is salvational. Jesus Christ, Himself, said “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God,” and “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of the water and the Spirit he cannot enter the kingdom of God.” (John 3:3-5)

Jesus said that the greatest act of love is when a man lays down his life for a friend. (John 15:13) Later on, the disciples marveled at this and saw the foreshadow of His death for them. Everything came together after Jesus resurrected up to Heaven. This began the revelation of grace; undeserved and unearned. Paul, a man who called himself the chief of all sinners had a constant revelation that none of us deserve the love and salvation of Jesus. We are flawed and made from dust, but He still breathes life into us. (Psalm 103:14, John 20:22) No human is good, no, not one. (Ecc. 7:20, Psalm 14:1-3, Psalm 53:1-3, Romans 3:10) Jesus looked at us with loving eyes and decided to come down to a people undeserving to give us freedom. This seems to have been the greatest message Paul preached: grace. He made it very clear that there is nothing we can do to earn Jesus’ love, that all we have to do is believe in Him and call out to Him, and He will save us. Jesus looks at our hearts and sees us differently than we see ourselves. As humans, we tend to gravitate towards what we deserve and don’t deserve. With grace, there aren’t any amount of rules or regulations we have to follow in order to be saved. All we must do is believe and confess, and we have the promise of His Spirit and salvation. (Joel 2:32, Romans 10:13, Acts 2:21, 1 Cor. 1:2)

Looking at the day of Pentecost, the Holy Spirit fell upon the Earth and people were filled. Many different people of different backgrounds came together for a feast, and began to speak in tongues as the Spirit gave them utterance. (Acts 2:4) People were stumbling and laughing, as others walked in calling them drunkards. But Peter told them that they weren’t drunk as they suppose. (Acts 2:15) The men were pricked in their hearts and didn’t know what to do, for this had never happened before. Peter rose up and told them what they must do to be saved. Repent, be baptized everyone of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.” (Acts 2:37-39) He then told them that this promise of the Holy Spirit infilling was for everyone.

We see through the writings of Jesus and Paul that salvation is completely undeserved. There is nothing

we can do to earn His great love. If we believe, we have salvation, and this is just the beginning. We all have

the promise of being born again.

Here is a great video explaining the Oneness of God very simply.

Perception of Self

What if I told you that you can decide how you see yourself? What if I told you that you could finally see all that is wonderful and beautiful about you?

We all have something to bring to this world. We all have words that need heard and stories that need to be shared.
It can be hard to include ourselves in the word "we" at times considering the way we see ourselves, but let me assure you, you are included. YOU. Yes, you.

It all begins with your thoughts. Begin to think positive things about yourself, even if they seem like complete lies.

In school, there was someone in my life that constantly put me down and made me feel like a lesser person and not the most attractive human. This caused me to see myself as the ugliest person on this planet. When I looked in the mirror, I literally saw an "ugly monster." Quite negative, I know, but I'm just being honest. I had a very poor self image.

Now, I'm not saying that I have a perfect self image now... because I don't by any means! But, throughout the years, I have grown and I am finally starting to see the wonderful things about myself. Things that were once non-existent to me are now glowing before my eyes. It's funny, really, because people in my life are starting to acknowledge these traits about me as well.

It begins with a step.

Take a step and go face yourself in a mirror. Look directly in your eyes and tell yourself all the good things you don't believe about yourself yet. For me that's, "I am worth it. I'm confident. I'm wonderful. I am not average. I am beautiful. I have so much to bring to this world."
The first time I said "I am beautiful" looking in the mirror, I literally felt like I was going to get sick. It felt like the biggest lie I could have ever told, but something shifted in me after that, and since then I began to change.

You are more than what you think.

You are going to start believing this.

Fix This

I finally figured it out.
For a very long time, I have done everything in my power to fix things. Fix bad situations. Fix myself.
It just hit me today.
I can't do it. I can't fix it. I can't "fix myself."

This could have stemmed from the OCD I suffered from as a kid that trailed off into my older years.
It could be from the physical, mental, emotional abuse I experienced from a friend in junior high.
The desire to fix things could have come from a series of things.. but maybe I just won't know why yet. I don't even know if I want to know why. Maybe I'm suppose to focus on the present moment for awhile and soak in what is here. I keep saying that I need to do this but I never actually do it. I keep trying to fix things and make things work.
I'm going to take a break from this, but this won't be easy. It's going to take work for me to stop worrying.

I know this, that if I stay present in this moment and deal with things as they come, it will take a huge load off of my shoulders. No one is hard on me.. it's myself. I want to stop this. I want to be free. I am free.

At the beginning of my experience at Youth America College last year, I was assigned to the Edmond campus of Church of the Harvest. The stream I was in was the adult stream, so I spent my practicum time shadowing Pastor Chris and learning from him. One Sunday, he had me help with the baptisms. I was waiting in the offices during service with three people who were going to get baptized, a spunky woman named Ruth, another woman in her 30's, and a 17 year old named Nick. (I had heard Eric talk about Nick since he was in the youth stream and had the chance to connect with him.) Everyone else was talking except for Nick and I, so I asked him what his story was. A friendship developed from here.
About a week later, I was at the OKC campus in the lobby greeting people for night service when he came up to me. He said that Jesus told him to tell me something and that I needed to tell Eric. "You cannot keep trying to love yourself. The only way that you can love yourself is if you let Jesus love you. His love will shine out of you and you will see what is so great about you." I didn't know how, but what he said stuck with me.
A few weeks later, Eric and I were sitting in his car using the church's wifi to watch movies when Jerome came up to us panicked. "You guys! Did you hear?" "Hear what?" Eric asked. "Nick killed himself."
I did not handle this good at all. No one did. But the words he said to me echoed in my head and still do today. I'm not even sure how I remember it all, but I do.

The point of me telling you this story isn't to make you sad, but yet again the puzzle pieces from events in my life are coming together.

If I simply seek Jesus, I will be blessed. He absolutely does not expect me to fix anything. He is my source.

"[33] But seek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. [34] Take therefore no thought for tomorrow: for tomorrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient to the day is the evil thereof." Matthew 6:33-34

song I'm listening to

YAC // The Experience

August brought a new adventure for me.

--

After getting filled with the fullness of God at a church camp in 2011, I found myself jokingly praying to live there. I wanted to be surrounded by Love and by people on the same mission as me, because that's what it is right? Church Camp.

Two years later I had a new camp experience at Youth America in OKC. On the last night of camp I found out they had this internship for kids who have graduated high school to help deepen their relationship with Jesus and give them the experience they need to build the kingdom. Something in me craved that.

Another two years and I found myself spending two extra weeks as a summer intern, working behind the scenes at Youth America Camp. In these two weeks I experienced tons of spiritual growth and an ambition to run despite all earthly limits. Nothing was going to stop me. At the end of my summer intern experience, I took the step of telling my parents that I felt like Jesus was telling me to spend my first college year at what had transformed from Next Generation Internship to Youth America College.

Everything was laid out for me. After everything that tried to get in the way, I was with my amazing family on our way to Oklahoma City. Eric was on his way as well and we both were making a life-changing transition that would soon bring us much closer. My family was torn between helping me do what Jesus was calling me to do, and wanting me to stay home. They did everything they knew how to support me and show me that they loved me deeply.

The first few months of YAC were battles upon battles. Fights I had with my parents and self doubt arose as I was pursuing the mission I was on to run this marathon. I had one constant best friend who became my boyfriend. Eric. We spent our free time talking and lifting each other up. Even in the numbness and depression that tried to rise up against me, he was there. He had his insecurities, and I had mine. But nothing was about to stop us from what we have been called to do.

The next few months I began to feel at home in OKC. The drivers suck but that dusty place grew on me. There were many things that I started to notice I loved about the college, and many things I hated. Gossip was a big issue, and it began to take a toll on me. I walked in on one of my friends talking about how I wasn't the type of girlfriend Eric needed. There was one person who seemed to get on my nerves by saying I wasn't a leader. He said this often. I kept being reminded of something, though: we are all human. It's a struggle, but I can't hold it against them.

We all live in faulted flesh. We all have our battles and insecurities. 

We all feel worn and unappreciated sometimes.

On Tuesday of last week, I felt like it was time for me to come home. Finding out that all of the credits don't transfer to every college like they advertised sucks, but that isn't why I left. Jesus was pulling my heart back to Missouri. Things just started lining up for the past few months after praying for certainty to know what to do. Although I won't be staying to help with camp, I leave knowing I left a mark.

We are all human. We all need love.

Here is a video of me talking about the experience I had at Youth America College. Check it out.

Now I plan to go to college. I will carry the Love with me. Eric is going to be attending another college as well. 

Just because you can't see what's next, doesn't mean that your future is not there. Do not be afraid of uncertainty. 

For who is God save the Lord? or who is a rock save our God?

It is God that girds me with strength, and makes my way perfect.

He makes my feet like hinds' feet, and sets me upon my high places.

Psalm 18:31-33

Dreamer

You're a hopeful soul.

Yeah, that's right. Despite what anyone has told you, or even what you've told yourself, you need to know that you are a hopeful soul.

You have a dream in your heart that's been there awhile. Don't check out. You know I'm right.
What do you want more than anything?
Why do you want it?

Think back to the earliest memory you've had. What did you want more than anything then? I'm willing to bet that what you want now isn't too far from what you wanted then.

When I was 3 years old, I lived in Tennessee.
People say that memory develops after 4 years old, but my memory seems to have exceeded that limit. 
I remember being with my mom, dad, and little Jewell in the church in Bradford. We always stayed late after service. I was as close to the stage as I could get, staring at the microphone. One of the ladies who sang for worship came and asked me if I wanted to sing in it. For some reason I got scared and ran. I always remembered that and tried to figure out why I was so scared. I know I was little, but that fear traveled into my teenage years.
When I was 14, I fell in love with someOne. He showed me that desire again, and that I was to speak for Him. This time, fear wont take my voice away.

What's your dream? Who are you? What do you want more than anything?

Take hold of the dream inside you. Stir up your hope. You're meant for more than you know.

Don't lose your hope.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12 

You have so much to add to the world. You are no waste of space.

Keep dreaming.

Say the Word