Saturday, November 28, 2015

The Poison of People Pleasing





I'm that girl that's always coming up with ideas. I feel so inspired in that moment right before I tell someone about it and they aren't impressed. That feeling when someone doesn't see the greatness in your golden plan has always been degrading for me when it shouldn't.
That shows a lot about who I've been: people pleasing at its finest.

Doubt will ruin your inspiration. But you're in control. Don't let it.

People are not the deciding factor to your inspiration. Your ideas and plans will not please everyone. You're mind is beautiful. What you have is like no one else. Do not stifle your calling and inspirations just because they are different from someone else's. You're opinion is important too. Ask questions. Let whatever inspires you, inspire you. Don't become a copy of everyone else just to please them. You are important.

Do yourself and everyone else a favor and BE YOU.

Dear Me,

Take your own advice.
You've been finding worth in how other people think of you and your brain; your everything. Then when one person comes along and doesn't like you for you, it's the end of the world and you are so convinced that you don't do anything right.
Crying in your bed because someone called you a monster when you wanted to talk about yourself for once... there's no reason to take that to heart. You're a kindhearted person. I'm glad that you're finally learning to take care of yourself and find your whole worth in Jesus instead of "helping" the lost sheep. Still do that, just don't let them trample you. You get up and run ahead, showing them the way to the Good Shepard.

I've done my yelling at myself publicly. Now it's time to actually do what I know I need to do and stop with the people pleasing. 



Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Steadfast


One of the on-going assignments for a class I'm in is to keep a prayer journal. I haven't quite figured out why this is so difficult for me. I have another journal that holds the deep revelations and experiences I encounter with Jesus but the idea that someone is going to be reading it just leaves me uneasy.
Maybe it's because I don't want to slip down the path of being fake again. Remembering that my eyes aren't the only eyes to see it can cause me to have a filter in what I choose to write in these pages. But what if Jesus wants to speak to her through what I write? What if something I write down sparks something? Could that be so?


September 3, 2015
I sat with my legs folded together on the little hill between the cliffhanger and the pool one morning before class. On my lap was my The Amazing Spider-man journal and Bible. In this moment, all I could do was look out at the pastel pink and blue sky. I realized then that it doesn't matter the content in which I write in this journal; that it doesn't even matter that she reads it. This is for Jesus and I.
I began to pray in tongues and ask for Him to shed some light on my soul. The words I heard were to look up the definition of steadfastness and His name, Jesus. 
Steadfastness: fixed in direction; steadily directed: a steadfast gaze
Jesus: to deliver, save, rescue
At this time I didn't understand completely why He wanted me to look up what these words meant. I knew what steadfastness meant and of course I knew what His name meant. But something happened to me then. I realized that He is steadfast and I am not. There is nothing I can do to be completely consistent. I'm human. He is my consistency.

In reflection to these past few months, I see Jesus shedding light on the corners of my crooked soul. He's making right things that have been jagged all these years. Deep rooted things are being pulled up that I wasn't aware were in me.

Take my all, Jesus. I'm all yours. Your steadfast love take me home. You are my home.

James 1:4, Ephesians 3:17