Steadfast

One of the on-going assignments for a class I'm in is to keep a prayer journal. I haven't quite figured out why this is so difficult for me. I have another journal that holds the deep revelations and experiences I encounter with Jesus but the idea that someone is going to be reading it just leaves me uneasy.
Maybe it's because I don't want to slip down the path of being fake again. Remembering that my eyes aren't the only eyes to see it can cause me to have a filter in what I choose to write in these pages. But what if Jesus wants to speak to her through what I write? What if something I write down sparks something? Could that be so?


September 3, 2015
I sat with my legs folded together on the little hill between the cliffhanger and the pool one morning before class. On my lap was my The Amazing Spider-man journal and Bible. In this moment, all I could do was look out at the pastel pink and blue sky. I realized then that it doesn't matter the content in which I write in this journal; that it doesn't even matter that she reads it. This is for Jesus and I.
I began to pray in tongues and ask for Him to shed some light on my soul. The words I heard were to look up the definition of steadfastness and His name, Jesus. 
Steadfastness: fixed in direction; steadily directed: a steadfast gaze
Jesus: to deliver, save, rescue
At this time I didn't understand completely why He wanted me to look up what these words meant. I knew what steadfastness meant and of course I knew what His name meant. But something happened to me then. I realized that He is steadfast and I am not. There is nothing I can do to be completely consistent. I'm human. He is my consistency.

In reflection to these past few months, I see Jesus shedding light on the corners of my crooked soul. He's making right things that have been jagged all these years. Deep rooted things are being pulled up that I wasn't aware were in me.

Take my all, Jesus. I'm all yours. Your steadfast love take me home. You are my home.

James 1:4, Ephesians 3:17