Human

This is one of those days that is harder to be okay. 

Maybe it's alright to not be okay.

It seems like we are always just trying to be okay. Or maybe it's just me. 

I don't want to be fake. I'm not always happy. No one is always happy, and if you think you are... You're fooling yourself. 

Numbness. 

It happens to me for no reason. 

And there is something about this that takes you deeper than "I am not okay." 

There aren't really any words that I can form to explain to you what numbness is like to me. It's like all black. No color. No motion or movement. No sound. Nothing. It's empty and full at the same time. Everything's there but everything's not. It's everything and nothing. It's black. 

I promise you, this isn't the end. 

I'm a human and my brain gets all tied up. 

Did you hear me? I'm a human. 

Things are not perfect. People are not perfect.

In the middle of this broken mess, I have found my safe place. It's not a fake place. This place is real. His name is Jesus. I don't have to be fake to hear Him, see Him, feel Him, know Him. He is as raw as it gets. It's so easy to forget this and try to modify my behavior in order to "be the good kid." 

What a lot of people don't understand is that Jesus isn't so worried about our actions. He wants us to keep ourselves from getting entangled in sin because it hurts us and keeps us from knowing Him more, not because He wants us to be the perfect well-behaved child. 

We don't have to be perfect for Jesus to be proud of us. 

"Like as a father who pities his children, so the Lord pities them that fear Him.

For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust." Psalm 103:13-14

He knows that He formed us beautiful works of art from the dirt that we walk on. He does not expect perfection from us. He just wants our love. 

On that note, since we don't have to be perfect... Why should we have to be happy or act happy all the time? The truth is, we don't. Jesus, God in the flesh, came to earth and they call Him the man of many sorrows. He beheld every weight of every sin and curse and pain that He literally became it. That's sorrow if anyone has ever known it. He doesn't expect me to be okay all the time, He just wants me to let Him in. 

Going to this ministry school has been aggravating, I'm not gonna lie. I've caught myself many times trying to look and act good. That's not the point, though. We need to be raw with each other and raw with Jesus. We aren't always okay, and that is okay. 

The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy. 

Psalm 103:8

God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early. Psalm 46:5

For the Lord takes pleasure in His people: He will beautify the meek with salvation. Psalm 149:4

For there is not a just man upon the earth, that does good, and doesn't sin. 

Ecclesiastes 7:20

The fact of it is, humans will dissapoint you. You're a human, so you will dissapoint yourself. But please know this, Jesus is never disappointed in you. 

Thank You Jesus for Your unfailing love. 

Let no one think anyone to be perfect. Let them know that You are the only perfect One and that You remember we are made of dust. One day we will be perfect when we see Your face. We will be like You. But until then, let us not think anyone to be sinless besides You. 

I love you. 

Jeremiah 1:5

Lamentations 3:17-26